


Plotting, Panic, Cake, and Hugs

by TimidMarshmallow



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Camping, Group Hug!, apology cake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 08:18:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10184909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimidMarshmallow/pseuds/TimidMarshmallow
Summary: Once again, Ignis is annoyed. A comment becomes a discussion, and things escalate from there.





	1. Chapter 1

Prompto watched the pot as it boiled, humming along to the song playing on his phone. Ignis tossed in large chunks of garula meat.

"How can you remember all the different recipes without mixing them up?"

"Simple. When you are passionate about something, details are easy to keep track of." A chopped up potato joined the bubbling brew. "I also have them written down. I edit them according to everyone's reactions, and I will add in any spice substitutions I discover."

Prompto nodded. "Details remembered through passion? That's kind of deep, Iggy."

"Not really. I thought you felt the same way about photography?"

"Yeah, I love photography, but I don't think I've ever described it as poetically as you just described cooking!" Prompto laughed as peppers flew into the pot.

"Rather sad then. I think you'd be good at poetry."

"Really? I mean, there was a unit in high school on Lucian poets but I don't remember receiving glowing reviews on my assignments."

Noctis had strolled in mid conversation. "I remember that. You were mad you couldn't find a rhyme for the word chocobo, so you wrote something about cats and dogs instead. Tent's up by the way."

"Splendid. This stew shouldn't take too long." Ignis stirred the pot and adjusted the flame.

Prompto and Noctis watched the stew as Gladio snuck up behind them. Ignis heard him coming, but didn't say anything. He figured the shield knew better than to mess with him while he was preparing food. The other two were fair game though.

Large arms circled the younger men's shoulders. "So you two came to hide over here while I do all the hard work, huh?"

"Hide? I'm helping make dinner!" Prompto squirmed half-heartedly.

"Yeah right. I don't see how watching Ignis do all the work is helping. And what's your excuse, Prince Charmless?"

"Hey, I set out the chairs and started the campfire. And I helped you with that last tent pole, didn't I?"

"I guess I can let you off the hook then. Come on, King's Knight until dinner?"

Ignis didn't seem too angry about the loss of his "helper". He enjoyed Prompto's company, but this stew required special attention.

Special attention that went unappreciated by one king. "There's more vegetables than meat in here." Noctis scooted his chair closer to Prompto's and tried to steal some of his friend's meat.

"Hey! That's my last piece! Cut it out, man!" He fended off the approaching spoon.

"Hey, Iggy, the children are fighting again. Do that mom voice so they'll stop." Gladio held his bowl a little tighter in case Noctis came after his food next.

"Mom voice?" Noctis burst out laughing. Prompto shoved his food in his mouth. No way Noct was getting it now.

Ignis' glared daggers at the shield and considered summoning his actual daggers.

Gladio saw the advisor's stormy expression. "Glad looks can't kill, cuz I'd be six feet under by now."

"If they could I'd have died a long time ago." Noctis took his revenge by spooning his excess veggies into Prompto's bowl. The blond shrugged and ate them happily. He was used to being Noctis' vegetable disposal.

"It would be incredibly easy to kill you all."

Ignis continued eating as the other three stared at him.

"You say that like you've thought about it before. Should I be worried?" Noctis winced. They had been a bit rowdy in the car. And before that in the store. And even earlier than that in the caravan they had been renting. How long had the advisor been planning their murders? How close had they driven him to committing them?

"I haven't planned anything too detailed, but there are some techniques I think would work well."

"L-like what kind of 'techniques' are you talking about, Ignis?" Prompto stammered his question out and put down his bowl.

"Well, it would be incredibly easy to poison Gladio. He doesn't ever taste the distinctions between the spices I use. The meat dishes he enjoys would also help mask any odd flavorings."

Gladio suddenly didn't feel like finishing his dry aged tender roast stew.

"Noctis, I'd just need to wait until you fell asleep. Then I'd just have to slice your neck. You'd sleep right through it."

"You're probably right." Noctis couldn't even deny it.

"Do I even wanna hear what horrors you have planned for me?" Prompto shrank into his chair.

"Mustn't leave you out. I wouldn't even need to do any actual work. I'd just tie you up and leave you for the daemons. You'd die of a panic attack long before they actually got you." He paused and then updated his plan. "I'd also need to gag you so I wouldn't have to hear your screaming."

Prompto whimpered. "Noct, I'm scared to go to sleep now."

"Specs won't kill us, he LOVES us. I think. Sometimes." Noctis still hugged the blond. Because Prompto was scared, not him.

"Like I said, nothing too detailed. Seconds, anyone?"

The three shook their heads no.

-o-

Maybe Ignis should make death threats all the time. The advisor had plenty of room in the tent because the other three had huddled into the opposite corner.

Prompto had whisper-pleaded with Noctis, begging to be the furthest away from the plotting psychopathic advisor. Noctis reminded him that his murder included sleep stabbing before giving into the blond's frantic pleas. No need to start a panic attack, despite the lack of ropes.

Gladio had to be reminded of his duty as the king's shield. "We ate the meat already and we're all still alive. You're safe for now." With that logic Noctis sandwiched between the youngest and oldest party members.

=========================

Ignis woke up first, as usual. He glanced over at his sleeping friends.

Gladio had moved a little closer to the advisor in his sleep. He was spread out and snoring.

Noctis, on the other hand, had somehow maneuvered half of his body on top of Prompto. The gunner's nose was inches above the king's shoulder, the rest of Noct's arm draped over his face and neck. He was unknowingly drooling up Noctis' shirt as it slightly covered his mouth. Legs were tangled and Prompto's arms were crushed between their chests.

Ignis did not see how that was comfortable.

He quietly unzipped the tent and began to make an orange cake. He was starting to feel guilty about upsetting everyone else. Cake would repair relationships and show that no one was going to be murdered.

Today.

He hummed an upbeat jazz tune as he stirred the batter.

The gloppy mix was being poured into the mold when Ignis heard screaming coming from the tent.

He rolled his eyes and continued baking.

-o-

He felt something warm and wet on his shoulder. Noctis' eyes cracked open.

Oh, it was just Prompto drooling on him. Closing his eyes and hugging his blond source of warmth closer, he fell back asleep.

Prompto woke shortly after to pressure on his mouth. He tried to move but found that he couldn't. A weight seemed to be pinning him in place. Last night came rushing back to him. Oh em gee!? Had Ignis really gone through with his threats?

"Mmmmph!" Thrashing as much as he could, he tried to call out. Noctis's shoulder muffled his voice. Wait, Noct's shoulder? Okay, so that's what was keeping him pinned. Prompto wondered how he was sleeping through all his movement. Surely the dead weight on top of him had felt something. Unless his throat had been sliced!?!?

Logically, he should have realized that he would've smelled or felt blood. They were awfully close after all. But panic always pushes logic out of the way.

Arms still crushed against Noctis' chest and legs still tangled with the king's, Prompto tried calling out again. He felt like he was going to be sick. Bound and gagged by his best friend's dead body. Scientia, you sick, sick man.

All his muffled moaning and mewling woke Gladio.

"Somebody better be dying." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked at the cause of his awakening.

Noctis was sleeping on top of a panicking Prompto. If only he had a gil for every time those two engaged in sleeping and freaking out. He'd be richer than the late King Regis.

The shield crawled over to the king and moved his shoulder, getting a handful of wet t-shirt. Prompto was now able to move his head and immediately began sobbing out hysterics.

"GET A PHOENIX DOWN! IGNIS KILLED HIM, HE'S DEAD! THE DAEMONS'LL BE HERE SOON, THEY CAN SMELL THE BLOOD!"

Gladio shoved a hand over Prompto's mouth and forced him to look at his unamused face. "Shut up and calm down. Geez, Iggy was right. Your anxiety is going to kill you." He shook his head. This kid, man.

"Noctis is not dead."

Tears sparkled in the gunner's eyes. "Mmmph?"

"Yeah, really. You know he sleeps like a corpse though."

"Mmph."

"Look, your shouting right by his ear didn't even rouse him. Can I let go without you crying again?"

"Mph."

Gladio removed his hand.

"Can you get him off me? I've lost all feeling in my limbs." Prompto sniffled and tried shifting. No success.

Gladio practically threw Noctis aside. The landing woke him up.

"What the hell's going on?" He sat up, looking at the other men.

"Oh, Ignis killed you and the daemon's are coming for Blondie."

"Shut up! I couldn't move or see anything besides the tent roof! And you know as well as I do that Ignis is smart enough to get away with murder!"

Just then the tent's zipper opened. "Get up and get ready to leave. The cake should be done soon." Ignis disappeared, leaving his friends salivating at the promise of cake.

"See? Told ya he loves us, Prom." Noctis ruffled his best friend's hair.

"If he killed us, who would eat his cooking?" Gladio climbed out of the tent. Hopefully first come first serve applied to cake.

Noctis changed out of his drooled up shirt and dragged Prompto out of the tent.

"I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to cause such a panic. Though I am disappointed you think I would kill you all so eagerly."

Ignis' apology cake worked.

"I'm sorry for making such a commotion. I mean, this isn't the first time I've woken up with Noct cuddling me to death. I just couldn't see to make sure his throat wasn't, ya know, sliced." Prompto was a deep scarlet. Hindsight was starting to kick in.

"Hey, I've woken up to find you glued to me many times! Literally glued, ya drool monster!" Noctis pretended to wipe off slime.

Gladio cut off Prompto's protests. "I'm not sorry. This little episode got us cake. Worth it in my book."

Halfway through breakfast Noctis put down his fork. "Okay, so here's how I'd murder you guys..."

Prompto paled. "Don't!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, so here's how I'd murder you guys."

"Don't!"

"No, let him finish. I doubt this will be as well thought out as Ignis' plans." Gladio shoved another bite of cake into his mouth.

"I was thinking about it before I fell asleep last night. Well, to kill Ignis I'd sabotage the brakes in the car and ask him to drive just me somewhere. Then I'd warp out of the car right before he crashed."

"You'd destroy the Regalia just to kill me?" Ignis was incredulous. He knew how important the car was to Noctis.

"This is all hypothetical. I wouldn't ever risk the car. Or your life... any of your lives." Noctis continued disclosing his plan. "Gladio would tragically die in a hiking accident. I'd convince him to explore cliffs with me. Then I'd tackle him off the edge of the cliff and warp to safety."

"Isn't all that warping cheating?" Gladio pointed out the obvious. "I feel like that's not fair."

"If I have the ability, why not use it? Anyway, for Prompto I'd... I'll admit I had a lot of trouble coming up with this, but I'd ask him to take pictures in Greyshire Grotto with me. Then I'd push him down the ice slide into the nest of those spider lady monsters. Those things would eat him. And then I'd warp away."

"Why is everyone planning to just leave me to the monsters and daemons?" Prompto worried. They wouldn't actually do that, right?

"Eh, those are okay plans. Nothing stellar. I could do better." Gladio leaned back and folded his arms.

"Let's hear it then, big guy." Noctis doubted anything could top his warping trick.

"Noctis, sword to the chest. Prompto, sword to the chest. Ignis, sword to the face."

"Seriously? How is that better than my plan?" Noctis laughed. "I mean, it's efficient. Really messy though."

"Why are you stabbing only me in the face?" Ignis wasn't sure why he was getting special treatment.

Gladio smirked. "I'd need to be sure you were dead so you couldn't extract revenge."

"I'd haunt you." A scowl settled on Ignis' face.

"Dude, can we please talk about something other than killing each other?" Prompto pulled his knees up to his chin. Ignis told him to sit properly. He was about to launch into the same old speech, but Prompto had already fixed his legs. He could recite the lecture perfectly now. He was going to break the folding chair and they couldn't afford another one and then he'd just have to sit on the cold, hard ground.

"Nuh uh, you still have to say how you'd murder us, Prom." Noctis couldn't wait to hear his crazy plan.

"I wouldn't."

"No fun, Blondie. Everyone else had a go." The shield frowned. Prompto wasn't actually scared they'd go postal, was he? Had this morning's incident been that traumatic?

Ignis seemed to have had the same thought. "Prompto, nobody is actually murdering anybody. My irritated comment last night was not to be taken as an actual threat. Again, I apologize."

"I know, and I'm sorry I overreacted, but don't you guys get scared? While we're fighting, I mean. We're just humans fighting these really strong robots, crazy wildlife, and scary daemons. We've had some really close calls. I'm just scared one day we won't be lucky. And it's kind of freaking me out how you guys can just joke about killing each other like death is some silly concept and not this looming... thing." Prompto let out a sigh. "I'm probably not making sense, am I?"

"You are making sense. I'm scared too. But I can't focus on that fear, because it's distracting. I'd never forgive myself if I let any of you get hurt or killed because of me." Noctis moved to stand in front of his best friend.

Ignis stood up and moved closer as well. "We watch each other's backs to prevent injury or worse. Yes, we've had close calls. But we've always been there to minimize the damage and treat any wounds."

Ignis and Noctis glared at Gladio. He figured he had better say something heartwarming too. "We are all scared. But we gotta keep moving. Don't go quitting on us now, we need you." He joined the other two in front of the gunner.

"I would never quit on you guys. And thank you for not quitting on me, despite everything." Prompto stood up and everyone immediately initiated operation 'hug the fear away'. It was a success. They all felt better knowing that everybody was looking out for each other.

"Okay, now you're crushing me. Is that everyone's secret plan? Death cuddles?" Prompto figured he better try joking so they knew he wasn't as worried as before.

Noctis just squeezed tighter. He knew that Prompto was trying to push down fear with humor.

"Seriously, Noct, it's getting hard to breathe." Prompto coughed and wiggled a little.

"Right. Since we're all helping each other stay alive, we can all help clean up the dishes." Ignis let go and picked up their discarded plates and forks.

Gladio moved over to the tent. "I'd love to help, but the tent NEEDS to be dismantled, right now."

Noctis grabbed the folding chairs. "These need to be put away!"

Ignis sighed. "So much for solidarity."

"Hey, they are still helping. Just not with the dishes. I guess I'll help with that." Prompto took half of the pile from Ignis.

As they cleaned up camp and piled into the car Prompto felt better. It was a beautiful morning, and he was ready to enjoy life with his family.

"Stop kicking my seat, Gladio!"

"I need to stretch out. Not all of us are tiny like you!"

"Ignis! He's doing it on purpose to be annoying!"

"Will you two stop being so immature? I swear, I will pull over and make you both walk to the next town!"

"Yeah! What he said!"

"Shut up, Noctis!"

"Ignis, Gladio's telling Noct to shut up!"

"You all need to shut up." Ignis flipped on the radio and put the volume as high as it would go.

Prompto couldn't stop smiling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Why couldn't he get Noct off?
> 
> Prompto is so tiny. Like, he's even smaller than some of the NPC's. You can see when he's pushing the car he is trying to use all his weight. His minuscule frame + pins and needles from being under Noctis all night = trapped under bff. 
> 
> (I've woken up with dead limbs. It takes a while for them to become functional again.)


End file.
